FINDING A GOOD GIRLFRIEND OR WIFE
Would you have any specific advice or tactics to offer for a man who wants to find a good girlfriend or wife?
— John, UK
Yes, I have plenty, and they have worked very well.
The “Four Modes of Preparation” and the “Three Arrivals” are very good guidelines.
First, you have to prepare yourself. This you have done quite well. You are handsome, of the right age, have a good job, and, most significantly as it gives you a very big advantage, you practice our Shaolin Wahnam arts and philosophy.
At the risk of sounding egoistic to non-Shaolin Wahnam members, I would go so far to say that those who marry Shaolin Wahnam men or women are extremely lucky. Why? Because Shaolin Wahnam men and women are healthy, full of vitality, have mental clarity and freshness, hold and practice high moral values, and love life.
The second mode is to observe your “opponents”, which is read here as “potential girlfriends”. First, remind yourself how lucky you are, compared to, for example, people in the UK three hundred years ago, or people now in other countries like Saudi Arabia or India. There are literally thousands of lovely women at any one place in the world waiting for good eligible men to date them, but cultural and other factors are such that it is much easier done in UK than in most other countries.
The third mode is to evaluate your opportunities. Seize them when they arise, or create them if they are not currently present. There may be thousands of eligible girls in the UK, but if you spend most of your time bird watching in the countryside or practicing meditation with Zen monks, you are unlikely to get a girlfriend.
If you are in an unlikely situation where they are few or no eligible girls in your surroundings, go to where there are plenty. For example, enroll yourself in classes of cooking, folk dancing or yoga where you can meet many lovely girls, many of whom are also waiting to meet charming men like you. If you know nothing or are not interested in these subjects, it is an added advantage for you to ask the lovely girls to teach you or challenge them to arouse your interest.
Now you are with a group of lovely girls cooking, dancing or practicing yoga. Of course, merely cooking, dancing or practicing yoga with them is not your goal. You have to date them, take them to discos, parties, cinemas, dinners or wherever you and your girlfriend can spend some quality time together. Society has progressed so far that now all you have to do is to ask them for a date, simply and sweetly. Still, you have to use your tactics. The “Three Arrivals” are good guidelines.
First, you must be clear where you want to take her to, and how you are going to make her happy spending time with you. Two, you must do so at a favorable time and place. And three, just do it. Ask your dream girl for a date.
Asking her for a date when she is busy with her work or when she is with many friends may not be a suitable time and place. If necessary, you can ask if she can excuse herself from her group for a minute, and tell her in private that you would like to have a date with her. She would feel thrilled by your effort even if she could not accept your date.
If a girl accepts your date, fine, have a nice time together. If she declines, fine too, but ask her again another time. If she declines again, ask again. Faint heart never wins a fair lady. But if she continuously declines your date, don't waste further time on her. Ask someone else. Remember that a basic tenet is not to waste your time and her time on a girl who does not love you.
Getting a date is relatively easy. The difficult part is how to make your girlfriend value the time spent with you. Asking her, before you actually date her, where she would like to go and what she would like to do when someone dates her, is helpful. Then, at a suitable time and place, you tell her that you would like to make her wish come true. Showing care and consideration for her will win her heart, but you must not overdo it.
As your dates progress, you can subtly suggest marriage. You may, for example, mention that it is wonderful to have a family where you can always go back to a loving wife and happy children. Then propose and marry her and live happily ever after, though disagreement may sometimes crop up to add spices to your happily married life.
The above is taken from Question 5 of May 2007 Part 3 of the Selection of Questions and Answers.
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