August 2009 (Part 2)
SELECTION OF QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS
I tried to resume normal sexual activity two days ago. I had a severe panic attack after climaxing, almost as bad as the one the audio recording gave me. I was shocked and didn't understand at all. All other attempts to pleasure myself have also resulted in panic attacks, so I am starting to avoid sexual activity again.
— Tom, USA
Editorial Note This and the questions below are a continuation of Tom's questions posted in the earlier issue, August 2009 Part 1 .
If you don't think of the recording, don't intellectualize and let your sexual arousal be natural, you won't have panic attack. In fact, you would enjoy yourself. Also, you don't have to try, but let the sexual arousal as well as enjoyment happen naturally.
In other words, when you see a sexually attractive girl, you don't have to try to be sexually aroused. If the sexual arousal occurs naturally, enjoy yourself wholesomely, alone or with that girl or another girl, provided of course that she willingly consents and also enjoys the sexual arousal.
If you are not sexually aroused despite seeing a sexually attractive girl, that is fine. Don't worry, you haven't gone abnormal. It is just that that is not the right time.
When you are having normal sexual activity, don't try to enjoy yourself, but really enjoy yourself. Unless you have been forced, which is most unlikely, you should not be having sexual activity if you do not enjoy yourself naturally. But if you don't enjoy yourself, that does not matter. Don't blame the girl, don't blame yourself, don't blame anybody, but wish yourself better luck next time.
I think I am somehow becoming afraid of my own arousal. Perhaps a part of me is concerned that it will lead me to destroy myself or harm others, especially if I persist in kinky sexual fantasies, although I know they are incredibly common.
Again, remember you have choices. You can choose to he afraid of your own arousal, and you also can choose to destroy yourself or harm others. That, of course, is not only a bad choice but also a very stupid one.
You can choose to let your sexual arousal happen naturally, in which case you will find it pleasurable. Finding your sexual arousal pleasure is actually not a choice; it is a natural process. The choice lies in whether you want your sexual arousal to be natural or forced.
In other words, if you choose to force your sexual arousal, like recalling the harmful recording you had in the past, you could be upset, afraid and miserable. If you choose to let your sexual arousal occur naturally, you will find it pleasurable.
Make you choice wisely so that you will have no occasion to regret - in being sexually aroused as well as in other aspects of life.
I can't completely control my panic, and I worry that it will affect any romantic relationship I might chose to enter into. I also don't think it would be appropriate for me to avoid any kind of sexual behavior -- or anything, for that matter -- because of unwillingness to challenge my fears, be they rational or irrational. To me, my suffering has always been a problem to be solved, not something to wish away or cover up.
It is true that you cannot control your panic. If you can control it, it won't be panic. It is true that such unhealthy feelings and thoughts will affect your romantic relationship in future.
But you can control the situations that lead to panic or to healthy pleasure. In your case, if you choose to recall your bad experiences with the sexual recording or choose to force your sexual arousal, you will create panic which will affect your future romantic relationship.
On the other hand, if you choose to let the bad experiences be the past and you move on wholesomely with your life, and choose to let your sexual arousal occur naturally whenever it occurs, you will create healthy pleasure that will contribute to your future romantic relationship.
You need not, and should not, worry about when your next sexual arousal will arise. As a young man living in a society with many beautiful women, often sexually clad, you have many opportunities to be sexually aroused in a natural manner.
Your fears and your sufferings are the results of your bad choice. You don't have to challenge them. If you don't create them in the first place by making a bad choice, the fears and sufferings will not be there.
An analogy may make it clearer. If you choose to use a knife to cut yourself, you will suffer bleeding and pain. You may then try to stop the bleeding and challenge the pain. But if you choose not to use the knife to cut yourself, there will be no bleeding and no pain. You have a choice.
Consider how lucky you are compared to those who have physical problems like cancer or heart disorders. They did not choose to have cancer or heart disorders, yet with determination they can overcome their problems.
I have been thinking a lot about something you often say, about how the mind is powerful, and when it becomes especially powerful it should always be used for good. I think I have been very irresponsible recently. I was foolish for bothering with that hypnotic session.
These are good examples of how you create problems for yourself. If you know you have been irresponsible and foolish for bothering with the hypnotic session, then just stop doing it.
You have a choice. You can choose to continue doing what you have been doing, and continue to suffer, or you can choose to stop being irresponsible and foolish, and therefore stop your suffering.
Remember the analogy of driving a car and seeing a wall in front. You can choose to continue doing what you are doing and hit a wall, or choose to stop and avoid the suffering. You don't ask how to stop, you just stop.
Also, although I want to defeat my fear and panic attacks, sometimes I wonder if I should bother going back to fantasizing about anything I would not really want to see happen in reality.
I am also concerned by a possible interpretation of your advice. Aside from fantasies, I may imagine many terrible things, as a way of exploring how I could best deal with them. Would I really need to give up all of this if I developed more power?
Of course, you need not and should not fantasize on anything you do not wish to happen. Doing so is both foolish and fatalistic, not smart and romantic as some fools might imagine.
The mind is indeed very powerful. By imagining terrible things, you may actually help to make them materialize. Why cause suffering to yourself or other people? One does not need to imagine terrible things as a way to explore how to deal with them.
Let us come back to the analogy of you driving and seeing a wall in front. You don't have to imagine smashing into the wall to explore how to avoid it. In fact, you don't have to imagine or intellectualize at all. You just stop your car, or swerve it away from the wall.
Let us take one or two other daily examples. If one is working for a boss, he doesn't have to imagine being scolded by his boss to explore how to do his work responsibly. He just works responsibly. In fact, if he does his work responsibly he would not be scolded by his boss at all.
If he is sick, he doesn't have to imagine himself dying to take his medicine, or in the case of so-called incurable disease to practice high-level chi kung. He just take his medicine or practices chi kung to get well. In fact, if he practices high-level chi kung he may not be sick at all.
I have been reading online about stress disorders and trauma victims. Usually what I read is discouraging. I'm not interested in simply making symptoms subside. I want to remove this constant, waxing and waning panic by destroying it at its source, and I want to do it soon. Is there anything you can suggest or do to help me, please?
You can choose to read about stress disorders and trauma victims and be discouraged and miserable, or to read about beautiful writings and be inspired.
You are not making symptoms subside or destroying panic. You are actually creating them.
Yes, there is much that I can help you, and that is exactly what I have been doing here. I shall now sum up everything for you. Stop worrying. Stop intellectualizing. Enjoy your life.
I am reading a book called The Art of Shoulin Kung Fu by Wong Kiew Kit. The book briefly explains the Cosmos and other things.
— Jay, England
The book, The Art of Shaolin Kungfu, gives a good idea of the type of Shaolin Kungfu we practice in our school, Shaolin Wahnam. My other books, The Complete Book of Tai Chi Chuan, and Chi Kung for Health and Vitality, give a good idea of the type of Tai Chi Chuan and chi kung we practice. They are quite different from what most other people practice elsewhere.
Understanding Cosmic Reality, called variously as God, the Buddha or Tao by peoples of different cultures, is part of our intellectual and spiritual training. This aspect is rarely found in other schools, but we place much importance on it.
I would really like to get a proper understanding of how to pray and how to live a good life by following the Shaolin way and devoting my spare time to practicing the methods. Please could you give me some guidance?
The most important thing in your prayer is to pray sincerely from your heart. The outward forms of how you pray, like whether you kneel or stand, with your palms together in front or above your head, are not so important.
An excellent way to live a good life style is to follow and be abided by the Ten Shaolin Laws.
- Simple in Forms but Sophisticated in Applications
- Breaking Elbows and Releasing Double Grips
- Shaolin Kungfu is Rich in Felling Techniques
- Chi is Real
- Duty to Point out Mis-Information for Benefit of Students